Subscriber Account active since. You will probably have heard this classic piece of dating advice thousands of times: Play hard to get. It’s a common belief that acting aloof and unavailable will drive someone crazy, and right into your arms. If you’re looking to attract men, this course of action is considered particularly effective. But if scientific research is anything to go by, it’s nonsense. In the s, a series of studies led by American psychologist Elaine Hatfield looked into whether playing hard to get really works. Social psychologist Viren Swami highlights the findings in a blog post for Refinery In one study, male participants were told to phone up a woman who had been selected with a dating service and ask her out. Half the time, the woman would be busy and dismissive until finally accepting, and the other half of the time she would enthusiastically accept the invitation. The men didn’t seem to prefer the women who had less free time.
How to Play Hard to Get
Last Updated: March 22, References. This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
When you play hard to get, take into account the other person. After all, you You want the person you’re dating to always be making an effort.
By Tracey Cox for MailOnline. Which is the best strategy for finding a partner? Playing hard to get or letting people know you’re interested? On the other end of the spectrum, there’s the primitive appeal of ‘the chase’. Playing hard to get relies on the philosophy that if something comes too easy, it’s less appealing. The harder we have to work for it, the more we appreciate it.
8 Ways To Play Hard To Get Without Turning Them Off
My mom, very much in love with my dad, told him she was moving home to Virginia. Romance at its finest! I was born two years later, and my parents are still happily married to this day. My mom has been a hard to get devotee since the tender age of 16, when she developed her first crush on a boy who would always wait until the last minute to ask her to hang out.
“The earliest instance we have of playing hard to get is documented as early as the 4th century BC when Socrates advised a woman that in.
Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy? In a study , they found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again. Birnbaum and Reis have collaborated for decades, ever since Birnbaum was a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Rochester in — While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, Birnbaum and Reis found that past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works—questions they sought to address in the latest study.
The duo tested the hard-to-get tactic across three interrelated studies. Participants interacted with what they believed to be another research participant of the opposite sex, but who was in reality an insider—a member of the research team. So, how then do you reconcile these two approaches—playing hard to get on one hand and removing uncertainty on the other?
Please consider downloading the latest version of Internet Explorer to experience this site as intended. According to new research, he may have been better off “playing hard to get.
Does playing ‘hard to get’ work in relationships?
Here are 4 reasons why we are so over playing hard to get:. Ask personal questions, use their name frequently or share something about yourself with them. Catch up and create the base for a deep connection by ditching the tired and old practice of playing hard to get. Your consent is not required to make a purchase.
Now, any good general will tell you every battle requires a sound strategy. Similarly, many people employ their own strategies and approaches when it comes to attracting and chatting up that special someone. But, does playing hard to get really work? While many of us probably have our own personal successes and failures with the hard-to-get approach, modern science is finally ready to weigh in on the debate.
Birnbaum and Reis have spent a number of years investigating the intricacies of human attraction and courtship. Moreover, even if it is a surefire way to find a Friday night date , why is it so universally effective?
Does Playing ‘Hard to Get’ Work?
Maybe you’re the type who tends to take off first thing in the morning after a one-night stand, or who lies about your busy schedule in the week ahead, but doesn’t indulge your prospective partner with the details. When dating, single people often deploy tactics like these to avoid coming off as clingy or desperate. Playing hard to get, the theory goes, makes you seem far more attractive. It might make you feel sly, but does that carefree attitude actually work to anyone’s benefit?
For decades, psychologists have been studying if and why playing hard to get can make people attracted to you, and several studies may help explain the psychology behind why we sometimes desire people who make us work harder for their attention. There are many ways to do this, but people playing hard to get most often act confident, talk to others, and withhold sex, according to research published in the European Journal of Personality —all of which “may reflect
In this episode, you’ll learn what science has to say whether playing hard to get really works. Learn the most desired quality in a prospective.
These two pieces of research have the power to transform your dating life, in the best possible ways. Does playing hard to get actually work? And what is the single quality people are most looking for in their search for love? Stay tuned to the deeper dating podcast to find out. Hello and welcome to The Deeper Dating Podcast. If you want to learn more about the deeper dating approach, and how it can speed and ease your path to finding love, just go to deeperdatingpodcast.
Also, everything I share in this podcast is educational in nature. So, we want the real stuff. We want the science. The first finding is from an evolutionary psychologist whose name is David Buss. Buss did a huge study and a very extensive study, and it was across genders.
Men Reveal The Honest Truth About Whether They Like Playing Hard To Get While Dating
You increase your value in his eyes if you know how to play hard to get with a guy. T he quickest way to lose in the dating game is by chasing him. This works both in dating and in marriage. If they retreat, they act like a rubber band fully stretched, they will retreat as much as they can. But the question is how to play hard to get? Never giving a hint is seriously the worst advice my parents ever gave me.
Others have been single for a while and worry that their thoughtful, considerate It’s common in dating for men to play it cool and women to play hard to get.
Get expert advice on playing hard to get. Click here to chat online to someone right now. Dating advice like this has been around for years, but how are you meant to do it without just being… mean? Keep it playful. The whole point of playing hard to get is that you and your crush are both having fun playing a bit of a game. You can send little teasing texts. They should be left wanting more of your time and attention, not needing it.
Make yourself the priority. Gauge their boundaries. So, the key here is to find a balance between keeping them entertained and keeping them guessing. It may be that a few hours is enough to keep them chasing you, in which case you can play around with that. It can be really easy to think that playing hard to get means that the other person has to put in all the effort. If you always leave them on read, shut down conversations, or give them a bit too much sass, they might start to question the kind of person you really are.
‘Play Hard To Get’ Is The Worst Dating Advice Ever. Here’s Why We Need To Stop It, Now!
When a woman plays hard to get, she knows that it will be much more beneficial to her than being too easy to pick up. A woman will play hard to get because it will allow her to find a very confident guy confidence is irresistibly attractive to women and it will usually make guys want her more and value her higher than other guys. I really like her. A woman who plays hard to get will often hide her true feelings and get a guy working hard to keep her attention because she is insecure about her attractiveness.
In other words, women ACT like they are hot stuff and that a guy would be so lucky to be with them, but deep down, almost all women are insecure about their attractiveness to guys. A lot of this has to do with the way that women are presented in magazines, porn and advertisements.
As a therapist – and someone who had his fair share of dates in the past – I find this behavior absolutely unacceptable. Think about whom you’re attracting when.
Brooke Lewis. So, Guys, take a few expert advice tips from a Lady who has been there:. I know, we all hate the busy word. Guys, like you, women are busier than ever. More and more women are uber focused on their careers. They are traveling for work and some are working more than one job to stay afloat. Divorce rates are higher than ever , so it is likely you are also meeting single moms who are responsible for their children first. If any of you are single dads, then you know that priorities shift when you have children.
Dating Games: Playing ‘Hard To Get’ Really Works, Study Confirms
It creates exclusivity. Most of us have the desire to be the best at everything. It keeps you on your toes. Guys might be slightly less intense in this, but they do thrive on that push and pull. It can lead to long term relationships. A study has linked playing hard to get with long term relationship success, which is the opposite of how things usually go when people are just looking for casual hookups.
Wondering how to increase your value in the dating scene so that girls end up chasing you? Check out this article on how to play hard to get.
In fact, women cannot be happy for long without male attention; be it from a monogamous and committed relationship or a lineup of beta orbiters. But since men are generally at a disadvantage when it comes to having so many options, it might be frustrating for them to deal with women who play hard to get in their approaches, dates, and even long-term relationships. Please note that this post contains affiliate links. I only recommend products and services that can add value to you at no extra cost.
Just not immediately, of course. If she still continues to mess around, then put the ball in her court by -calmly- letting her know that you see no point in asking again and that she should let you know when she wants to hang out or do whatever it is you wanted her for. Always be smart, patient, and scarce. Most likely, women who are disinterested will simply and consistently not bother dealing with you at all.
They will not initiate any affection of any sort, physical included. Women do not get attracted to a man who follows them around and selflessly accommodates their needs. Even when they say otherwise. Understand the difference by frequently evaluating her willingness to invest in your interactions. A woman playing hard to get will never be settled for you, and this will be intentional until you change things around to make her pursue you.
Science says playing hard to get actually works
Researchers from the University of Rochester and Centre Herzliya have examined the effects of playing hard to get, and claim that making the chase harder increases your desirability. That makes them seem less valuable and appealing than those who do not make their romantic interest apparent right away. In one experiment, participants interacted with people whose online dating profiles indicated that they were either hard to get or easy to attract.
The results found that profiles that were hard to get were more valued and seen as more desirable as a partner. Meanwhile, in another experiment, participants chatted to an insider via Instant Messenger. At the end, the participants were asked to leave one final message.
I’ve been casually using dating apps for a few months after breaking up with my long term girlfriend last fall. I [31M] was immature in the past and .
It applies to just about everything, from dating to sales. When it comes to getting a girl attracted to you, playing hard to get is one of the most valuable tools you can employ. It creates the vibe that you are the kind of guy that has some pretty high standards. Sometimes, a girl will play hard to get just to see how persistent you are.
The more value you project , the more interested a girl will be. They usually want to get to the finish line as quickly as possible, whether it be sex or a relationship. This is a problem. A guy that lays his cards on the table too quickly, appears to have less value. A girl who gets a guy who she deems as having value, feels like she has increased her value as well. Girls do this all the time.